Saturday, July 18, 2020

लौंडिया या हवा (Laundia ya Hawa)




उस रोज़ हवा तेज़ थी

हल्के से उनका दुपट्टा उड़ा

अगले दिन, वो यूं लाश मिली...

गुनहगार हवा थी या लौंडिया थी

ये मुद्दा ज़ोर पे था

पर सांस तो लेनी थी

सो सूली पर फिर वो निर्दोष छड़ी  


The babe or the wind
The wind was blowing And lightly removed her scarf to find her next day A corpse, covered in same cloth The debate was heated Was it the babe or the wind Who is more corrupt Who is to be blamed! But as I have to breathe I hung the babe And killed her for the crime

Rhythm Divine (Khajuraho)





Burdened with her heavy breasts 
she leans towards her consort, 
who as gently takes her in his arms 
as 
he would hold the silk
And she in return looks at him 
as he tries to hide his joy.

The display of emotions between the #couple as sculpted masterfully by the unknown Chandela artist transcends poetic lores of even the #divine . The #rhythm of their bodies, the casualness of their familiarity, the playfulness of their expressions had captured my mind when I first saw them
Do you think they will break into #dance
This beautiful Lakshmi-Narayan from the collection of @nmnewdelhi is one of my favourite pieces. Finest example of high art from Chandel period, this Khajuraho #sculpture was my first stop by as a student of @nmidelhi


Khajuraho in the state of Madhya Pradesh offers one of the most breath taking cluster of sculptures, notoriously famous for the almost negligible number of erotic sculpture. Built under the Chandelas, this group of temple and sculptures represent the high art of Central India. A monsoon trip to Khajuraho and a cup of tea after cycle tour around the cluster is still imprinted in my memory. You must also stop at Orchha en route to Khajuraho from Jhansi.

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Coffee, cigarette and smoking room




Smoking rooms have fascinating character. Each smoking room has a different character. Well I am talking about airport smoking rooms. International has its own character, domestic it's own. Delhi, Bombay (Mumbai), Hyderabad...

I have spent time in them. Time enough to know each character. But I am not doing a comparative study. Everyone today is a data scientist. I will skip.

I am trying to be witty. Cynic? Delhi domestic airport smells like beedi! It's like you enter the ad where guddi is watching No Tobacco ad with papa dear and looking up innocently. You know which one! If you have travelled in Delhi a.c. buses especially from Uttam Nagar you will know what beedi smell in a a.c. enclosure is. Not to say, the room itself is like a dispensary. Bas paan ke peek ki kami hai. The arrogant capital dwellers and visitors don't even put off the cigarette. The poor thing dies it's own death in that steel dustbin. Whether of its own smoke or the polluted bin. Hard to tell.

The international airport of Delhi is upper class like the asli Dilliwalas. All bloody migrant lot of us. Everyone in Delhi is a migrant dear Mumbaikar! Please note. Well yes, so we are khaandaani migrant origin class of Delhi. The smoking room of the Delhi international airport is a room from everywhere. I only travel Air India baba. Whatever you Jet flyers say, I prefer apna desi airline. Film bhi dikhate hai. The only time I catch up on the Hollywood films I ignore over SoTY poty...

Anyway. All the suited booted babu's you see there. Expensive bags, expensive shoes. You know, banda raees hai. Apna desi but bland with oregano sprinkled on top. Chilly flakes kahe? Side salad will always have mirchi in Delhi. You can smoke and check out men. There is no particular smoke. But beedi is minus.

Mumbai can be summarised in one word. Same! Both domestic and international smell the same Cosmopolitan. After that long walk from flight to smoke room near area, you have no sense left. You want puff in a huff before you head out in the humid air. But the women smokers in Mumbai are girl next door career women type. You feel world is going good and not in smoke.

I always carry a coffee cup to these smoking rooms. A, it gives me excuse to smoke two cigarettes and B, the combination is killer.

While I sip coffee, over the years I noticed some conversations are same. If there are hippie foreigners they will make sure to announce how much of India they have backpacked. I mean seriously? Do they know travel in their own country in luxury will be cheaper. And Manali and Goa are not cheap backpack India! And why are you so loud. Every north Indian has been to Manali and every Mumbaikar drinks in Goa. Bhai tu suna kis ko raha hai? I have not been to either place.

Then there are those who are talking to their bosses, making excuses. "Ser (Sir) or maem (ma'am), I will sabmit (submit) the report by latest tomarrow (mar le yaar angrejji ki). blah blah blah.." or "Haan haan aap ka kaam ho jayega" and the moment they keep the phone down, their next call will be "yaar customer chilla raha hai, uska kaam huya kyun nahi?"

Of course you hear them everyday. Somewhere or the other. But in an enclosed smoking room the chatter is louder.

Then there are those. Potbellied ones. They park themselves and think their bellies are also entitled for a separate parking along with their luggage. They will stand either infront of the light box or dustbin. You will have to go the whole length around to reach your destination.

Oh but the opening scene is always the same. You spot the person you will ask for his jalti huyi cigarette to light your own. I don't mind the box. But have you seen how stupid people look. Trying to find the hole to put your cigarette in and light the fire? Embarrassing. Why use Google map when you can stop a raste pe chalta aadmi and ask for direction. Tradition! Trust.

But my best smoking experience was in Phuket airport. A ha ha... You get out of the airport, in the open, under the taazi hawa, har fiqr ko dhuye mai udati chali.

Friday, May 03, 2019

Extra bit of ordinary



That day I was sitting around a table
No, it was not a round table
It was big
A big rectangular table
Suddenly in the middle of the sleepy meeting
It dawned on me
I was among extraordinaries
Not me
The others, most of them
Were extraordinaries
They had the brain and brawn
Money and swag
And I, I was, am ordinary
In a flock of sheep
I am just the ordinary
In the room full of extras
I am happy to be extra
A bit more extra in my ordinary...

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Of oldage and lost love

Of oldage and lost love


I was sitting at a cafe, sipping my black coffee
It was strong and the weather was hot
from reading my news and looked up at the laughter
there she was, that laughter
it was on a wrinkled face
and I knew those eyes,
those shrewd, sweet, intelligent, passionate and soft eyes
they had once looked at me
when I was young, they used to trace me
traced the length of me in her bed
in my bed
she once was my sweet
she once was my laughter
she once was my fear
my fear that I will fall in love
fall and lose myself in her eyes
so I had left and those eyes did not question
but yes I did once in a often remembered
remembered my cowardice
remembered that tug I felt in my heart
the moments I wanted to give in
but I was a man
and yes I was a fool
I should have given to those eyes

I wonder if those eyes will look at me
Recognise me
Remember me
What part of me
Who those eyes look at today
From whom they bright up
I tell you now my listener
if you find those eyes
do not let it get away


Nilanjana Som
28th April 2019

Ruins of love


Oh love
You ruined me forever
Forever I will be scared
Of love
Forever
Forever I will wonder
Why did you not stay
Why could I not play your game
-------------------------------------------------------
Why
Why would you ask about my moon
It is giving me company
We are lovers
Carrying each other's loneliness
The moon and the wolf are friends forever
So I carry my moon just above my heart
So that I can scream my pain to it
---------------------------------------------------------------

Friday, March 20, 2015

To Kill To Pretend

People are selfish and I know that. I too am. Most of the times we are unaware of it. Since we constantly judge people, we do know that everyone else except me is selfish. So why do we live in this world? I am not suggesting death. I am saying how do you live. By pretending? Yes. But you know you are pretending. I love my life too much. Its existence matters. I do not seek meaning, purpose, goal or destiny. But I do want to kill a few.
I will name these people once they have their natural death. However I can tell you that one of them is supposed to be very close and is vicious of them all.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Human

You will be in heart like a scar
prayer will no longer be innocent
…it perhaps never was
perhaps never meant to be
it is a word with meaning
a word in the dictionary
who found no soul in the living
I look at you as a man
You look at me as a woman
I am what is not meant to be
You are that is all to be
You and I are miles apart
I am a caste, you are religion
I am a gender, you are the culture
I am the discarded… borne by the order
Oh man, look at me once
Am I not but what you are
a small grain like you in sand
a withered skin that you wear too
then why am I cast away
why am I shadow in the way
Pray I thee, soothe the blisters

Quench my thirst, I am a human

Nilanjana Som 08/05/2014; 1816


--------------------------------------------------------------

azaadi azaadi azaadi... kya hai aakhir azaadi; terii azaadi meri azaadi; bus aur nahi, bas aur nahi ye azaadi; ekk mithya hai ye azaadi; ek jhoot hai ek fareb hai; wajood mitati dhaar hai, ye azaadi; ki ab bas; bas aur nahi ye azaadi; bikhre pade se sej pe dekho kaanch si tooti meri azaadi, teri azaadi; koyee aks nahi koyee shaks nahi, bas mrig-trishna hai ye azaadi; jitna bhi main udna chahoon, baandhti hai mujhe azaadi; lagta hai kuch kum si hai ye azaadi; dum ghoot-ta hai; rooh chikhta hai khoyee kahin hai azaadi; teri bhi hai, meri bhi hai hasrat bas boond bhar azaadi; ek mithya hai, mrig-trishna hai, chhal-kapat ki azaadi; jab koyee nahi main, jo koyee nahi tu, phir kaisi mukti-azaadi
Nilanjana Som 28/02/2015: 2200


------------------------------------------------------------------

lagta hai abhie toh hatheli pe thii; 
shaayad lakeeron mein mil gayee hogi; 
jab haath ko chehre pe phera; 
woh toh khaali thii; 
na naak, na kaan, na nayan, na honth; 
shaayad maas ka ekk dhela tha; 
haan wohi raha hoga; 
warna kya boo nahi aati; 
cheekhti nahii, 
sannata sunayi nahi deti? 
nahii, haath pe kuchh nahi tha; 
lakeere bhi nahi thi; 
nahi, 
ummeed nahi thi, 
usko toh mare zamana beeta; 
hum toh kabr pe pade chadar se lipte hai, 
koyee daag jaise umr se hai guzre...

Nilanjana Som 28/02/2015: 2220


----------------------------------------------------------------------------

ab mujhe chalna chahiye. bahut der huyee kitaab ko pakde. us me rakha patta bhi ab sukh gaya, panno se khusboo bhi ud gayee. sach kahoon toh ab likhayee bhi dhool gayee hai. magar kagaz kora nahi hai. dhyan se dekho toh kuchh avshesh hai. magar kya, samah nahi ata. magar kuchh toh hai. achcha hi likha hoga. bade buzurgo ne likha hai toh achcha hi hoga. naam toh yaad nahi magar gyani the. mitro toh kehte hai sant-mahapurush the. toh achcha hi hoga. main toh samanya hoon. isko maathe pe rakh leta hoo. barish se bheegoon-ga nahi. boonde giri toh siyahi dhul ke seedha mashtishk me aur lalat me tilak bann jayega. buzurgo ne likha hai toh achcha hi hoga. main toh samanya hoon. isko maathe pe rakh leta hoon...
Nilanjana Som 28/02/2015: 2235


------------------------------------------------------


kisi insaan ko dekha hai?
har roz! wo jo shaks bojha dhoye jaa raha hai
wo hi toh insaan hai
uski, uss gathri me insaniyat ka tam-jham bandha hai
ek ek sabhi bhav samet rakhe hai
maang-o toh jhat inkaal kharch kar deta hai
main yahan khaali liye baithi hoon
meri gatthri kahiin kho gayee hai
use dhoondhte dhoondhte, thak ke kinare pe...
aans liye ki shayad, tinka tinka bheekh me
phir se apni insaaniyat jor loon
ya phir chalo, jeena hi chhod doon
ab ye ehsaas jo huya hai
bande hum jaise, waise hi achche
iss duniya me insaanson ke beech
ye laash hi hai sachche...

Nilanjana Som   03/05/2015    2225


---------------------------------------------------------


zindagi hai ye zindagi
kisi gair ki nahi
apni hai magar kuchh kum si sahi
n[a] jaane kyun phir bhi
hai ghulam ye kahin
lagta hai jaise kisi ki adhin hai abhi
jo bhage is se to sharm kaisi?
koyee ilzaam to nahi
koyee qaid nahi koyee gair bhi nahi
apni hi hai ye zindagi
to phir kyun ruke hum
tere dar pe jhuke hum
teri ijazaat zaroori toh nahi
dil hai mera ab bhaa huya
ankhein hai door tak dekhti
kuch nahi hai samne magar
pao[n] mein zajeerein kaisi?
hoon mein azaad, suna hi sahi
kyun ki zindagi toh apni hi hai "bande"
kisi gair ki to nahi

Nilanjan Som
27/07/2011
2200 hrs

Sunday, March 20, 2011

beauty of nothing

Conscience is the honesty of selfishness!


----------------------------------------


...however, I tried! mati mein mil na paye, ret ka na jane bande kaise boott banaye



---------------------------------------------



I lost all my faith when I found God is u... U saved my life from pain by sticking it at my back! .... to all the fcukers who knows me better than I.


--------------------------------------


ek qaid ek pinjra, magar azadi pe aitbar bhi toh nahi
[19th February 2011; 22:33]


---------------------------------



yeh saali zindagi, jo do ghari udhaar li toh boli terii hi to hai.
jo tu kare so kare, mujhe parwah nahi iski.
bas dekh zara, kharch na ho jaye sab waqt kahii[n]...
to, baith gaya hum bhi soch ne yehi
ki saali zindagi bitaye to bitaye kaisi
[10th February 2011; 16:23]



--------------------------------



taqdeer hai maya bhi ye zindagi khud ki nahi... azadi tere qaid se bande ko mumkeen nahi
[27 January 2011; 16:05]


-------------------------------



na jaane kis subho ka intezar mein raat hai bekarar
kal sehar ye shehar chod denge hum bhi...
[13 May at 17:53]



---------------------------------



wo jo sanam mere bewafa nikle
hum bhi to saath na nibhaye the
jo door tujhse guzre zamane
tujh ko na bhool paye the
ab wapas teri bahaon mein
......aane ko tamana hai
teri dhup-chaon angiyare mein
paanchii ka koii basera hai
'bande' chal ab laut ke ghar ko
duniya toh wahi basana hai
[21 May 2011; 1445]



---------------------------------


Night will break; dawn will come
I will feel the warmth of sun again on my skin
Tears will run when my scars will prick
But I will smile and walk up to the pedestal
I am God, I will be worshiped
I will be bathed, fed, adorned and adored
My corpse will be glowing with the blessings of my lovers
Lovers – my mankind
A kindness man knows not in heart
And then the blood will pump up and down the heart
Hit their kundalini and blossom in their lotus head
I will then laugh, dance to the tune of their chant
Till they close their door to my madness

21st December 2012 [to the Delhi braveheart]



---------------------------------------



...you will be the unknown whisper in my prayer, of the fear, the scar, of the nothing left in the heart
29th December 2012 [dedicated to Damini!] 



---------------------------------------



beauty of nothing


What we seek, if not what is Truth
What is Truth, if not what is Life
What is Life, if not what we live
What we live, if not what we seek

4th August, 2013



-------------------------------------



... I live in the footprints, etching my fate
6th August 2013  



-----------------------------------------



it is the simplest thing...a smile for self that I discovered today
9th August 2013


-----------------------------------------------------


 
the world of words... a lover, a scholar, a poet, a saint... if true the magic is vain
10th August 2013
 




my mind follows the heart like a tortoise... yet I listen to it! damn the hare-tortoise race
12th August 2013




In this independence day I wish you follow your heart... I wish your heart is true... I wish truth is fearless!
15th August 2013




there it goes again... the mind, heart and soul after that which is nothing
19th August 2013

   


...division is evident, U and I are miles apart
26th August 2013

 


its not what I saw with open eyes but what I felt even before you came...
31st August 2013 





i want to flow, i want to fly, i want to dive into the ocean from the sky, i want to scream the silent sigh... i want to soar, i want to glide... but i cannot shatter the earthen mould thats why...
so fill me with water, breathe in new air... but bring me first the potter who can break the ware....
 2nd September 2013  




if I think it is there in me then I have no right to think its not there in others...
2nd September 2013  






...and yet I walk the path knowing its not my destiny but who knows somewhere in the road I meet the desire in me
3rd September 2013  





when the Gods descended and displaced the humans
and the religion replaced the humanity
I was born in that time
when I prayed for the heaven...
I thought good Lord
you are the company I am in
lest I remain behind, I too sinned
now I pray to Thee, take me back
I want no heaven, I wish no God
But be the humane...
I once desired to be a man

11th September 2013
11-09-2013 






ekk mutthi aasmaan aur anchal main dhup-chhaon ki bela; safar main takte huye saathiyon ko, ekk musaafir aur ekk dhimi si hansi; kuchh manzil ko dekhte, kuchh peeche ka karwaan...
26th September 2013 (the day I left Mehrangarh)





want to rip off a leaf, crumble it and throw it away to start a new page... incomplete though it is, but my heart spilled in it
24/11/2013





all you beautiful memories do not fade even when I lose my mind...
27/11/2013





I am a time traveler, meeting the moments I found u in myself
27/11/2013





Now they say carnal intercourse is criminal yet they fucked human rights from behind!!!
11th December 2013






My nations culture is a totem of ideas whose meanings have perished, putting taboo to evolution... I lament the death of my mud doll
11th March 2014





...I m not handicap, the society is over-equipped!
-------words of this 'de-constructionist' (Nilanjana Som)






Long have I wandered life
Long ago I found you alive
Long was I lost in fear
Long did I mourn you dear
So long I never celebrate
So long I never lived
So long did I not hold
So long did I not awake
So embrace me in my dream
Love me while I sleep
Tomorrow when we meet again
You can tell me a little tale

1st April 2014







Oh ashes, gather me here
Let me stretch, become somewhere
That which was burnt, were dreams shattered
Love had, my heart scattered
Like the clay whirls in potter's wheel
My fate twirls in the shackled feet
Let me be free, walk afar
Leave the window for hope, ajar
One day when humans are born
All will be me, I will be all...

Nilanjana Som
16/04/2014; 1130






You will be in heart like a scar
prayer will no longer be innocent
…it perhaps never was
perhaps never meant to be
it is a word with meaning
a word in the dictionary 
who found no soul in the living
I look at you as a man
You look at me as a woman
I am what is not meant to be
You are that is all to be
You and I are miles apart
I am a caste, you are religion
I am a gender, you are the culture
I am the discarded… borne by the order
Oh man, look at me once
Am I not but what you are
a small grain like you in sand
a withered skin that you wear too
then why am I cast away
why am I shadow in the way
Pray I thee, soothe the blisters
Quench my thirst, I am a human

8th May 2014

My man, my man
You asked for my hand
You told my Papa, you want me and all
My brother my brother 
You gave me protection
You told my Papa, you will take care of me and all
My Papa, my Papa
You promised me love
You told yourself Papa, I am your responsibility and all
But Lord, oh over-Lord
How I came to be here
Why put me down on earth, with no limbs and all fear
Oh world, thy world
You gave me bondage
But I am myself, I need no man to own me and all

28th May 2014






I stand where the road bends
under the big tree, I know not its name
hidden in mist, I look afar
not knowing who comes to me
it is where I stay and watch
transport when I can
Oh world, in my dream
I bend the road,
so my dreams do not crash...

09/07/2014; 1500





I m no more free for I have become a prisoner of freedom...
11th July 2014





...I am the cage that killed the gilded butterfly within, I now call it freedom
25/11/2014




Dear Friends (not acquaintance)
I plan to live till I am 120 (at the least). So if you die before me then wait for your birth (if there is a thing like that). Else you will be my granny or granpa!
Nilanjana Som
30th January 2015





What is honour, respect, dignity, love, patriotism, religion and blah blah blah... Superficial idiocracy on which we waste our whole life! 
We as a race can never contribute, we will only deplete - that is the only truth. So lets just live and be happy (and try not to speed up the process of killing this earth which we have so divided)
Nilanjana Som
5th February





Life has too many things attached - meaning, essence, goal, purpose and shit that dwarfs its existence. Life exist. I am here
14th March 2015





in the wake of civilization
I woke amidst the fascinatings
when I learned to stand
I walked with the giants of earth
then I ran up the mountains
and saw the world beneath
but they wont let me fly
for thats not what is meant for me
I was so cloned and stamped
my dreams were crushed and stomped
Oh you world of idiocracy
why did I fight and bleed
you are...

19th May 205




sab aib hain mujh me insaan hone ka... gar Khuda hote toh teri mehfil me na hote 'bande'...
26th July 2015



kaun kehta hai musaafir hai hum; tere liye bande mere, zindagi ka safar hai hum...

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Sagor

5th July 2005 2000 hrs 

 Sagor sagor, O anonto sagor 
harayiicho prokritir probol rochonaye 
bhore uthe mon monushho bedonaye 
tsunami holo ki tomar drir naye? 

 Sagor sagor, O anonto sagor 
bohiya cho koto noyoner jol 
mitayeyacho moder trishna shokol 
aar eyee begeyee shobhota ochol 

 Sagor sagor, O anonto sagor 
keno aaji abar rudhho eyee mon? 
tomar bina nahi shrishti shompon 
bhenge dao keno maya-r shopon

Megh Khela

5th July 2005; 1730 hrs

anonto gogone ekaki cheye thaki
bashaye phiriya chole bhromor-pakhi
kalo meghe dhakaye neeler phonta
nilanjana-r mukhe nayee kono katha

he aakash, anadi tumi
lukayeechho mone somoyer katha sobi
bishal hridoye tomar gopon koriyacho ki
bolo aamaye, aaj tomare shuni

dur-duranto, deshe-bideshe
ghure berayo na na beshe
jeeboner eyee khela dekhe jao
shokoler mon jene nao

aaji boli tore, mor bedona
aamaye tumi, bhule jeyo na
tomar aamar hridoye shoman
aami je tor bekul moner gaan

kotha aache joto, shure bandhi chol
khule di eyee hridoye chonchol
poncho bhute mishiya shrishti
jeeboner kreeda koritecho prokriti

Thursday, June 21, 2007

mehfil

na jane kyun khinch le jate hai log
shahar ki aur.
kehte hai, aa baith meri mehfil mein,
dekh in diwaron pe
un tasviron ko,
aur pehchaan unme mujhko zara.

kucch der, tak-ke tasviron ko
yeh soch mein dub jata hai man mera,
kya auro ke rango se
likhi jati hai, apne jiwan ki katha.

Nilanjana Som
21/06/2007

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Ghriho-probesh

Achchha, aaj sudhu sudhu
Mon keno tomar kotha bhabche?
Keno aaj chobir moton
Chokhe bheshe ashchhe tomar chhaya.
Sriti te harano naam
Bar bar dhe-u-er moton
Uthe ashche mukher goraye?
Oh! Aaj tor shoto botsor hoye che.
Tayee aabar ekbar
Tor joy joy kare
Nebe poreche shob rasta-ye.
She-I poth harano, drishti hara bhokto.
Geye chole-che tor gun gaan
Jeno unmat atama
Proshonno hoye niye tule che
Aar ekbar hridoye.
Aami o to pagoler moton
Chutilam tahader pichu.
Kintu, e kon pothe
Tumi haath dhore tene niye ele bondhu?
Ekhane to tomar namer
Prodip jolche na!
Roshni ta hole ki kore hobe?
Hothat mukh tipe hashcho je?
Andhokar eyi botobrikher niche
Moddho ratre eyne thatta kocho bujhi?
Ye, amar chokkhu nidrar bhare
Jeno juriye elo
Eiyi alo! Kothaye eyi alo
Lal, nil, holud, shobuj
Na na ronge tim tim
Tarar moton.
Tobe rong bodla chho je.
Eki, e to shob ogroshor
Holo eki dike.
Oiyi dekho, shob rong miliye
Shunnotar moton kalo hoye phut-lo
Bujhlam, eyi shada ar kalo, ek.
Er milone ache aro koto rong
Tumi bujhi eyi shoto botsor
Soto jug dhore rong niye chhol kor cho?
Dekho, oyi tomar das
Toma-ke shara dilo.
Na, mati ta ke lal rong korlo
Shib dhhuye, kochi shobuj pata chire
Nil jole shob bhashiye
Holud rong-er moton
pulokito ahom kore
tomar sheyi chotto ghorer
bahire pahara dicche.
Achchha, ekhon chol.
Abar giye oyi rong-er
Mishron-ne shada-kalo kaalir
Khela kori.
Aashi. Abar ek jonmer
Bidayi niye nijo grihe
Ghriho-probesh kori

Nilanjana Som
04/06/07

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Ready to take a leap!