beauty of nothing

Conscience is the honesty of selfishness!

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...however, I tried! mati mein mil na paye, ret ka na jane bande kaise boott banaye

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I lost all my faith when I found God is u... U saved my life from pain by sticking it at my back! .... to all the fcukers who knows me better than I.

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ek qaid ek pinjra, magar azadi pe aitbar bhi toh nahi
[19th February 2011; 22:33]

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yeh saali zindagi, jo do ghari udhaar li toh boli terii hi to hai.
jo tu kare so kare, mujhe parwah nahi iski.
bas dekh zara, kharch na ho jaye sab waqt kahii[n]...
to, baith gaya hum bhi soch ne yehi
ki saali zindagi bitaye to bitaye kaisi
[10th February 2011; 16:23]

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taqdeer hai maya bhi ye zindagi khud ki nahi... azadi tere qaid se bande ko mumkeen nahi
[27 January 2011; 16:05]


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na jaane kis subho ka intezar mein raat hai bekarar
kal sehar ye shehar chod denge hum bhi...
[13 May at 17:53]

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wo jo sanam mere bewafa nikle
hum bhi to saath na nibhaye the
jo door tujhse guzre zamane
tujh ko na bhool paye the
ab wapas teri bahaon mein
......aane ko tamana hai
teri dhup-chaon angiyare mein
paanchii ka koii basera hai
'bande' chal ab laut ke ghar ko
duniya toh wahi basana hai
[21 May 2011; 1445]

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Night will break; dawn will come
I will feel the warmth of sun again on my skin
Tears will run when my scars will prick
But I will smile and walk up to the pedestal
I am God, I will be worshiped
I will be bathed, fed, adorned and adored
My corpse will be glowing with the blessings of my lovers
Lovers – my mankind
A kindness man knows not in heart
And then the blood will pump up and down the heart
Hit their kundalini and blossom in their lotus head
I will then laugh, dance to the tune of their chant
Till they close their door to my madness
21st December 2012 [to the Delhi braveheart]

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...you will be the unknown whisper in my prayer, of the fear, the scar, of the nothing left in the heart
29th December 2012 [dedicated to Damini!] 



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beauty of nothing


What we seek, if not what is Truth
What is Truth, if not what is Life
What is Life, if not what we live
What we live, if not what we seek
4th August, 2013



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... I live in the footprints, etching my fate
6th August 2013  



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it is the simplest thing...a smile for self that I discovered today
9th August 2013


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the world of words... a lover, a scholar, a poet, a saint... if true the magic is vain
10th August 2013
 

my mind follows the heart like a tortoise... yet I listen to it! damn the hare-tortoise race
12th August 2013




In this independence day I wish you follow your heart... I wish your heart is true... I wish truth is fearless!
15th August 2013

there it goes again... the mind, heart and soul after that which is nothing
19th August 2013

   

...division is evident, U and I are miles apart
26th August 2013

 

its not what I saw with open eyes but what I felt even before you came...
31st August 2013 

i want to flow, i want to fly, i want to dive into the ocean from the sky, i want to scream the silent sigh... i want to soar, i want to glide... but i cannot shatter the earthen mould thats why...
so fill me with water, breathe in new air... but bring me first the potter who can break the ware....
 2nd September 2013  

if I think it is there in me then I have no right to think its not there in others...
2nd September 2013  

...and yet I walk the path knowing its not my destiny but who knows somewhere in the road I meet the desire in me
3rd September 2013  

when the Gods descended and displaced the humans
and the religion replaced the humanity
I was born in that time
when I prayed for the heaven...
I thought good Lord
you are the company I am in
lest I remain behind, I too sinned
now I pray to Thee, take me back
I want no heaven, I wish no God
But be the humane...
I once desired to be a man
11th September 2013
11-09-2013 

ekk mutthi aasmaan aur anchal main dhup-chhaon ki bela; safar main takte huye saathiyon ko, ekk musaafir aur ekk dhimi si hansi; kuchh manzil ko dekhte, kuchh peeche ka karwaan...
26th September 2013 (the day I left Mehrangarh)

want to rip off a leaf, crumble it and throw it away to start a new page... incomplete though it is, but my heart spilled in it
24/11/2013

all you beautiful memories do not fade even when I lose my mind...
27/11/2013

I am a time traveler, meeting the moments I found u in myself
27/11/2013

Now they say carnal intercourse is criminal yet they fucked human rights from behind!!!
11th December 2013

My nations culture is a totem of ideas whose meanings have perished, putting taboo to evolution... I lament the death of my mud doll
11th March 2014





...I m not handicap, the society is over-equipped!
-------words of this 'de-constructionist' (Nilanjana Som)

Long have I wandered life
Long ago I found you alive
Long was I lost in fear
Long did I mourn you dear
So long I never celebrate
So long I never lived
So long did I not hold
So long did I not awake
So embrace me in my dream
Love me while I sleep
Tomorrow when we meet again
You can tell me a little tale
1st April 2014

Oh ashes, gather me here
Let me stretch, become somewhere
That which was burnt, were dreams shattered
Love had, my heart scattered
Like the clay whirls in potter's wheel
My fate twirls in the shackled feet
Let me be free, walk afar
Leave the window for hope, ajar
One day when humans are born
All will be me, I will be all...
Nilanjana Som
16/04/2014; 1130

You will be in heart like a scar

prayer will no longer be innocent
…it perhaps never was
perhaps never meant to be
it is a word with meaning
a word in the dictionary 
who found no soul in the living
I look at you as a man
You look at me as a woman
I am what is not meant to be
You are that is all to be
You and I are miles apart
I am a caste, you are religion
I am a gender, you are the culture
I am the discarded… borne by the order
Oh man, look at me once
Am I not but what you are
a small grain like you in sand
a withered skin that you wear too
then why am I cast away
why am I shadow in the way
Pray I thee, soothe the blisters
Quench my thirst, I am a human
8th May 2014

My man, my man
You asked for my hand
You told my Papa, you want me and all
My brother my brother 
You gave me protection
You told my Papa, you will take care of me and all
My Papa, my Papa
You promised me love
You told yourself Papa, I am your responsibility and all
But Lord, oh over-Lord
How I came to be here
Why put me down on earth, with no limbs and all fear
Oh world, thy world
You gave me bondage
But I am myself, I need no man to own me and all
28th May 2014

I stand where the road bends
under the big tree, I know not its name
hidden in mist, I look afar
not knowing who comes to me
it is where I stay and watch
transport when I can
Oh world, in my dream
I bend the road,
so my dreams do not crash...
09/07/2014; 1500

I m no more free for I have become a prisoner of freedom...
11th July 2014

...I am the cage that killed the gilded butterfly within, I now call it freedom
25/11/2014

Dear Friends (not acquaintance)
I plan to live till I am 120 (at the least). So if you die before me then wait for your birth (if there is a thing like that). Else you will be my granny or granpa!
Nilanjana Som
30th January 2015

What is honour, respect, dignity, love, patriotism, religion and blah blah blah... Superficial idiocracy on which we waste our whole life! 
We as a race can never contribute, we will only deplete - that is the only truth. So lets just live and be happy (and try not to speed up the process of killing this earth which we have so divided)
Nilanjana Som
5th February

Life has too many things attached - meaning, essence, goal, purpose and shit that dwarfs its existence. Life exist. I am here
14th March 2015

in the wake of civilization
I woke amidst the fascinatings
when I learned to stand
I walked with the giants of earth
then I ran up the mountains
and saw the world beneath
but they wont let me fly
for thats not what is meant for me
I was so cloned and stamped
my dreams were crushed and stomped
Oh you world of idiocracy
why did I fight and bleed
you are...
19th May 205

sab aib hain mujh me insaan hone ka... gar Khuda hote toh teri mehfil me na hote 'bande'...
26th July 2015

kaun kehta hai musaafir hai hum; tere liye bande mere, zindagi ka safar hai hum...